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Who Are We, really?
A Brand Founded on Burnout, Friendship, and Free Cookies
We’re not your typical startup.
We’re a collective of baristas, electricians, former gifted kids, spreadsheet survivors, and creative chaos agents who reunited at a high school reunion we didn’t really want to go to… but hey, they had cookies.
That night, something clicked between sips of lukewarm punch and collective emotional spiraling.
And So It Began…
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We laughed.
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We doomscrolled.
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And then we did the most millennial thing possible:
We started a brand.
Meet the Team
Kayla Smith
ROLE : Director of Emotional Labor
VIBE : The glue of the group chat.
BACKSTORY : Still waiting for her therapist to text back. Manages conflict with Canva memes and soft sighs. Swears she once had a passion.
Lance “Crypto Break Room Guy” Zimmerman
ROLE : Freelance Director of Web3 Strategy (Unpaid)
VIBE : Actually, it's not a pyramid scheme
BACKSTORY : Shows up to every team Zoom uninvited. Still waiting for Dogecoin to bounce back.
Emily “Per My Last Email”DeWitt
ROLE : SVP of Boundary Setting
VIBE : Vibe : No is a full sentence.
BACKSTORY : Put “✨burnout✨” on her vision board ironically, but it came true. Keeps her out-of-office on year-round “just in case.”
Nadia “Data Overwhelm” Ramos
ROLE : Analyst of Everything & Nothing
Vibe : The report is in the spreadsheet. The feelings are not.
BACKSTORY : Built a pivot table that caused a minor emotional breakdown. Dreams of escaping to a no-WiFi commune in Portugal.
Tanya Murphy
ROLE : Director of Zoom Fatigue Studies
VIBE : Let's circle back never.
BACKSTORY : Once triple-booked a dentist, therapy, and budget sync. Wears blue light glasses like armor. Lives off oat milk and spite.
Jamal Gaines
ROLE : Director of Remote Vibes
VIBE : We should do Happy Hour, but virtually
BACKSTORY : Hasn't unmuted himself since 2021. Communicates exclusively through reaction gifs and Slack emojis.
Brandon “Tab Closed Accidentally” Yu
ROLE : VP of Existential Branding
VIBE : Did we sell out… or buy in?
BACKSTORY : Created the original MF brand guidelines at 3am during a mild panic attack and two vape cartridges. Speaks in alt-text.
Slothy McGrind
ROLE : Chief Ambition Officer ( Speed Optional )
VIBE : Slow in motion, sharp in wit.
BACKSTORY : Slothy started as a freelance nap consultant, coaching executives on how to “fail forward... into a beanbag.”
He briefly went viral for his TEDx Talk: “Strategic Stillness: The Power of Doing Absolutely Nothing.”
Chris McDaniel
ROLE : VP of Crisis Rebranding
VIBE : The rebrand is the brand.
BACKSTORY : Repackaged a layoff as a sabbatical.” Curates LinkedIn like a lifestyle blog. Once made a vision board entirely out of error messages.
Marcus “5-Year Plan, 6-Month Lease” Chen
ROLE : VP of Aspirational Planning
VIBE : A“I’m not lost, I’m directionally flexible.”
BACKSTORY : Has 17 tabs open, all self-help PDFs. Brings his houseplants to performance reviews for moral support.
Devon “Read at 9:03AM”Patel
ROLE : Chief Ghosting Officer
VIBE : Emotionally unavailable, but aesthetically present.
BACKSTORY : Started as an intern, never left, never answered another email. Ghosted during a live Slack call once. It was impressive.